September 22, 2006 – Conrad Askland

Accent: An unusual manner of pronunciation, eg: “Y’all sang that real good!”
Accidentals: Wrong notes.
Ad Libitum: A premiere.
Agitato: A string player’s state of mind when a peg slips in the middle of a piece.
Agnus Dei: A woman composer famous for her church music.
Altered Chord: A sonority that has been spayed.
Attaca: “Fire at will!”
Augmented Fifth: A 36-ounce bottle.
Bar Line: A gathering of people, usually among which may be found a musician or two.
Beat: What music students to do each other with their musical instruments. The down beat is performed on the top of the head, while the up beat is struck under the chin.
Bravo: Literally, How bold! or What nerve! This is a spontaneous expression of appreciation on the part of the concert goer after a particularly trying performance.
Breve: The way a sustained note sounds when a violinist runs out of bow.
Cadence:
1. The short nickname of a rock group whose full name is Cadence Clearwater Revival.
2. When everybody hopes you’re going to stop, but you don’t.
(Final Cadence: when they FORCE you to stop.)
Cantus Firmus: The part you get when you can only play four notes.
Chord: Usually spelled with an “s” on the end, means a particular type of pants, eg: “He wears chords.”
Chromatic Scale: An instrument for weighing that indicates half-pounds.
Clef:
1. If a student cannot sing, he may have an affliction of the palate, called a clef.
2. Something to jump from if you can’t sing and you have to teach elementary school.
Coloratura Soprano: A singer who has great trouble finding the proper note, but who has a wild time hunting for it.
Compound Meter: A place to park your car that requires two dimes.
Duple Meter: May take any even number of coins.
Triple Meter: Only rich people should park by these.
Meter Signature: The name of the maid who writes you a ticket when you put an odd number of coins in a duple meter.
Conduct: The type of air vents in a prison, especially designed to prevent escape. Could also be installed for effective use in a practice room.
Conductor: A musician who is adept at following many people at the same time.
Counterpoint: A favorite device of many Baroque composers, all of whom are dead, though no direct connection between these two facts has been established. Still taught in many schools, as a form of punishment.
Countertenor: A singing waiter.
Crescendo: A reminder to the performer that he has been playing too loudly.
Cut Time: When you’re going twice as fast as everyone else in the orchestra.
Detache: An indication that the trombones are to play with the slides removed.
Discord: Not to be confused with Datcord.
Dominant: An adjective used to describe the voice of a child who sings off key.
Duration: Can be used to describe how long a music teacher can exercise self-control.
English Horn: Neither English nor a horn, not to be confused with the French Horn, which is German.
Espressivo: Close eyes and play with a wide vibrato.
Fermata: A brand of girdle made especially for opera singers.
Flat: This is what happens to a tonic if it sits too long in the open air.
Flute: A sophisticated pea shooter with a range of up to 500 yards, blown transversely to confuse the enemy.
Form:
1. The shape of a composition.
2. The shape of the musician playing the composition.
3. The people of paper to be filled out in triplicate in order to get enough money from the Arts Council to play the composition.
Glissando:
1. The musical equivalent of slipping on a banana peel.
2. A technique adopted by string players for difficult runs.
Half Step: The pace used by a cellist when carrying his instrument.
Harmonic Minor: A good music student.
Harmony: A corn-like food eaten by people with accents (see above for definition of accent).
Hemiola: A hereditary blood disease caused by chromatics.
Heroic Tenor: A singer who gets by on sheer nerve and tight clothing.
Lamentoso: With handkerchiefs.
Major Triad: The name of the head of the Music Department.
Minor Triad: the name of the wife of the head of the Music Department.
Mean-Tone Temperament: One’s state of mind when everybody’s trying to tune at the same time.
Modulation: “Nothing is bad in modulation.”
Music:
Tempo: This is where a headache begins.
Tone Cluster: A chordal orgy first discovered by a well-endowed woman pianist leaning forward for a page turn.
Tonic: Medicinal liquid to be consumed before, during, or after a performance. (Diatonic: This is what happens to some musicians.)
Transposition: The act of moving the relative pitch of a piece of music that is too low for the basses to a point where it is too high for the sopranos.
Trill: The musical equivalent of an epileptic seizure.
Triplet: One of three children, born to one mother very closely in time. If a composer uses a lot of triplets he has probably been taking a fertility drug.
Vibrato: Used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.
Virtuoso: A musician with very high morals.

The American Idol film crew arrived at McIntyre Hall today (Mount Vernon, WA) to shoot footage of new contestant Skye Dahlstrom rehearsing with the kids from the upcoming Seussical The Musical show. Skye showed them choreography for songs from the show and taught them very hip dance moves.

Skye made it through the first round of auditions in Seattle, WA early this week; competing with over 9,000 other hopeful contestants I’m told. She then made it through the second round the following day. Her next round will be to audition for Paula Abdul, Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson.. We all wish her the best and to “break a leg” at the audition. GO SKYE!

As you can imagine there’s a lot of buzz about this locally and the news has spread like wildfire. Skye is a total pro and made everyone feel totally comfortable while supporting her for the film shoot.

And much to our pleasure, the film crew from American Idol was TOTALLY cool and ultra nice to work with. You might think being in this business they would be a bit jaded, but that is not the case. They made the kids feel comfortable and everyone gave them a big THANK YOU yell at the end. Nice people.

Why the interest in Skye’s choreography? That’s how Paula Abdul started, as a choreographer.

So here’s a rundown of our shoot. Of course I’m not going to tell you details about what we did, you’ll have to watch Skye on American Idol to see that!

We did the shoot on stage at McIntyre Hall, which is where we’ll be performing for Seussical the Musical in November 2006.

Parents sign all the legal stuff for their kids to be in the shoot.

Director Dave James does the ultra cool pose while waiting. Dave James is co-directing Seussical the Musical with his wife Carrie James. Skye Dahlstrom is the choreographer and I am the conductor and musical director. The show is produced by Kate Kyporus for META Performing Arts.

Kids hang out in the lobby at McIntyre Hall waiting to enter the theatre.

All lined up at the door and waiting to enter the hall. Many of the kids hadn’t seen McIntyre Hall yet, so it was very exciting all around for them.

The view of the stage from the front of the audience. McIntyre Hall also has beautiful box seats along the sides, a full balcony section and rear loge.